raw skin.

I have a love-hate relationship with my body. There are times that I love my face the way it is and there are also times that I hate it as much as I hate the other parts of my body. My insecurities have been manifesting throughout this quarantine season; I can’t help to notice it especially my physical appearance.

wonder & wander

Taking a hundred steps going to the place where you want to be is hard. I was wondering what could have happened if I weren’t that scared. Parang wala naman sa ugali ko ang matakot and if ever I became scared, I would just hold it back and I would rather face the consequences and challenges. 

One thing I know until now is I will never be ready again – to write, to make art, to fall in love, to face new people, to be in a new environment. But what exactly I am doing right now? Yes, I’m writing. I have to face my fears or else I will be screwed for life. I have to try and try until I’m never scared again to do all these things. I also have so many questions on my mind, asking whoever I want just to find the right answers for it. 

yeux.

Eyes.
They are beautiful but, they can be miserable too.
You can see them happy and bright but in
one moment, it can burst tears – it might carry
any reason but you must believe what you want.

Eyes.
They can be admirable to anyone who sees it,
but most times, it’s too dangerous. It might
give you mixed signals and ideas
you don’t even want to hear; but who cares,
it’s the eyes that will let you seek the truth.

Eyes.
Its facade will always be different but
deep within it, you will see a lost soul,
craving for the true concept of love. There is no
definite meaning behind it; all I know is
we have a different set of it but the moment
we share something about it, it will always
be the same. Same joy, same tears, same love.

the tigers are out | btw, beato

I was never a fan of basketball. I actually hate sports that have anything to do with balls. Yes, balls. I may know the terms that are used in basketball but I’ll never understand it; I may watch basketball games on TV or even in videos (because my teacher requires us to way back in high school) but that’s just it. 

Entering a university is like getting lost in a sea of people. You don’t what to expect but you have a lot of expectations for yourself. You just have to go with the flow as they say. Being one of the proclaimed Big 4 schools in the country and one of the UAAP schools, UST has produced and honed well – known athletes that brought pride and champion to the whole Thomasian community. Even if you’re not a Thomasian, you might be familiar with the university’s chant Go USTe! because who wouldn’t be, right? 

mère

Yesterday was mother’s day but here I am writing this clutch post for my mom. I made a half portrait of her and gave it yesterday after the simple celebration we had but I’m not really satisfied with it. So here I am, writing another gift for her.

Every year, there are a lot of unforgettable moments I had with my mom and it is always fun to reminisce them. Some were happy, some were sad; but whatever it is and it will be in the future, I will always be grateful.

On the next page, you will be able to read about some of the events that happened for the past years while I’m growing up. I tried making it in a poem style but I guess I’ll just go with the flow for now.

Oh and by the way, mère is translated as mother in french. Just in case you’re wondering why the title is spelled like that. ☺

primo.

First.

Pixie dust and paper cuts – these are the first things Wendy knew about Peter Pan. Aurora first met Prince Philip when she was sixteen. Learning how to ride a bike was also a first while I was growing up, but you are probably the first of too many. 

The first collection of dust and stars; maybe Luna will try to ask, who was your first? I might answer and tell her that it was you. The first of too many stars in the sky. You are the first of too many fallen leaves during fall – and you will be the most anticipated snowflake as winter comes. A dark path that you can’t see without any light, hence, you were once the moon and there are the stars that shine so bright at night. 

Are we too early? Or we just really want to be ahead of time? 

Even in a glimpse, I would like to see the two of us connect as if we can reach the sky. There are other parts of the heavens you have never saw and other oceans you haven’t laid your feet onto – but the constellations will always wait for you. 

Close your eyes, love, close your eyes. Start counting backward: 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Count backward until you see the twinkling lights that will guide you to the right path. To the right satellite; to the right person.


A first. There are many first – first love, first heartbreak, first sports you played, the first thing you do in the morning, the first thing you remember about the person in front of you. There are a lot. It’s actually up to us how we will going to consider something as a first. So, Primo, you are already a first of too many. 

the loud sirens.

Is it weird that I like going to the hospital? It’s not that I like causing accidents or anything related, I just like the ambiance and the smell of the environment. Weird. Whenever one of my family members were confined, usually the older ones, I would always visit them or even volunteer to stay overnight. I also roam around the hospital whenever I can just to observe what’s going on but most of the time, I’ll just pick up something from the vending machines or any stores inside and I’ll stay in the room after.